You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
