You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
