And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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