Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
tell me about the eggs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
