It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
