D3 body, D1 cock
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
