i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just pee around me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
