it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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