i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
