Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
