Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You can't special order awesome
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
