I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i believe in u and ur pee
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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