so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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