So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
