He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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