Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
