Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
