God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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