yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize