you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
