The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
