So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize