I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
