anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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