I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
