so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
