Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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