Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
