I heard we made out
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
