Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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