just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
