i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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