yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize