If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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