it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize