so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
