No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
