I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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