If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
