Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
