I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
