my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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