I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
