Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize