I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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