Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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