Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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