my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
