i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
