i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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