I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sobbing to NWA
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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