i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
