your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She's JV to your varsity
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
