She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
