Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
