Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
