Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
