Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Everclear isn't food dammit
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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