Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
