no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I fill condoms, not promises.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
