Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
