Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
