There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
