My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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