i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
