you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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