Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just forgot I was standing up.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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