just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
