it was like eating out sand paper
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
