I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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