due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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