I cockslap morals
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
