We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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