i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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