god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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