i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
