i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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