Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
